You were told you’d have a mentor.
But somehow, every “check-in” feels like a performance review.
You’re not learning how to think — you’re being told what to do.
And when you disagree? You shrink instead of speak.
That’s not mentorship. That’s management in disguise.
Not All Mentorship Is Actually Mentorship
Mentorship should be a space for growth — not control.
It should stretch you, not stifle you.
But in many workplaces, “mentorship” becomes a buzzword slapped onto something that looks more like micromanagement, or worse, disguised hierarchy.
When someone tells you what to do, without showing you how to find your own voice — that’s not mentoring.
When they assume they know what’s best, without asking what you’re aiming for — that’s not mentoring either.
Real mentorship isn’t about having all the answers.
It’s about helping someone ask better questions — and having the patience to walk with them while they figure things out.
So How Can You Tell If It’s Not Working?
Not all mentorship failures look dramatic.
Some feel like small discomforts you’ve been trying to rationalize away.
Here are a few mentorship red flags that might be easier to feel than explain:
- You feel more judged than curious.
You find yourself editing your thoughts before speaking. You wonder what they’ll think — not what you think. - Their advice feels more like instructions.
You leave conversations with a list, not clarity. It’s always “what to do,” but never “why it matters to you.” - You’re afraid to fail in front of them.
You hide your mistakes. You seek approval, not learning. You’d rather be “good” than honest. - It’s always about how they did it.
Every session becomes a “back in my day” moment. There’s no space for your path — only theirs.
You’re not becoming more yourself.
The more time you spend, the more you doubt your instincts. You’re following, not growing.
What Healthy Mentorship Actually Feels Like
Let’s flip the script.
A real mentor doesn’t make you dependent — they help you become independent.
In a space of true mentorship:
- You feel safe to ask, challenge, and wonder — even when it’s messy.
- They ask more questions than they give answers.
- They celebrate your process, not just your results.
- They let you sit with discomfort — because they trust that growth often looks like confusion at first.
- They don’t shape you into a version of themselves — they hold space while you become more you.
It’s not always neat.
But it feels honest, mutual, and alive.
Questions to Ask Yourself
If you’re in a mentorship — or looking for one — take a moment with these prompts:
- Do I feel more myself after these conversations, or less?
- Am I being invited to think, or just expected to agree?
- Do I trust this person with my process — even the unpolished parts?
- Am I learning how to lead, or just how to behave?
Mentorship isn’t a status symbol.
It’s not a checkbox.
It’s a relationship.
And like any relationship, it should help you grow — not just comply.
Closing Thoughts
Sometimes we stay in mentorships that don’t serve us, because we think we’re supposed to be grateful.
But you don’t owe anyone your silence in exchange for their guidance.
You deserve more than “advice.”
You deserve space, trust, and the kind of support that reminds you you’re capable — not replaceable.
Because the best mentors don’t just hand you a roadmap.
They walk beside you, until you can build your own.
